by Megan, 17, USA
The summer before ninth grade, I starved myself.  I starved myself to the point that I was diagnosed with anorexia.  I had every single symptom.  But the scariest part of it is that I could have died.  

Needless to say, I didn’t mean to nearly kill myself – I just meant to look like all the super-thin supermodels I saw in magazines. 

Just knowing that I weighed less than most thin movie stars gave me a boost of confidence.  But I was still never satisfied.  I still felt fat, so I kept refusing to eat.  Little did I know that ninety percent of people who starve themselves gain back all the weight they lose within a few months.  And no, I was not a part of the lucky ten percent.
Of all the problems I’ve ever had, the most difficult one by far was regaining my self esteem after the traumatizing realization hit me that I was living my worst nightmare every day.  When I was anorexic, my greatest fear was that I would regain the weight I’d lost – which I did.  I felt like a failure, I felt so helpless and hopeless.  

I didn’t see any point in getting ready each day because I didn’t think any boys would like me or any girls would want to be my friend if I wasn’t “skinny.”  I almost gave up even trying to look decent or even trying to make friends.  I almost gave up loving life and living it to the fullest.  I almost gave up – but I didn’t.

I didn’t because I remembered a saying I’d heard once that says, “You are not a failure if you stumble and fall.  You are only a failure if you don’t pick yourself back up.”  

This saying saved my life.  It made me realize that although I’d stumbled and fallen, I could still pick myself back up and regain my confidence.  Although I didn’t really know if I could ever find my self esteem again, I had faith and told myself that I could.  I never gave up trying to love myself and just be myself.  I finally realized that I don’t have to look like a supermodel for guys to like me and for me to find friends.  All I have to do is be myself.  

Since regaining a positive self image, I have made my goal simply to be healthy rather than to be “skinny.”  I run every day I can and I eat healthily.  I am as happy as ever, and I enjoy every single day of my life.  

Although finding the inner-strength I needed to reach this point was the hardest trial I have ever faced, I am so grateful I went through it.  I choose to learn something from each challenge I encounter, and from this one I learned to never give up.  

In all the tribulations I have faced since then, there has always been a point at which I felt like I couldn’t handle it and that I might as well quit trying to overcome it.  Even though it’s harder to not give up at the moment of desperation, in the end, the joy, smiles, and sense of accomplishment are so worth all the pain, tears, and hard work.  And that is why I believe in never giving up.

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