Needless to say, I didn’t mean to nearly kill myself – I just meant to look like all the super-thin supermodels I saw in magazines. 

Just knowing that I weighed less than most thin movie stars gave me a boost of confidence.  But I was still never satisfied.  I still felt fat, so I kept refusing to eat.  Little did I know that ninety percent of people who starve themselves gain back all the weight they lose within a few months.  And no, I was not a part of the lucky ten percent.
Of all the problems I’ve ever had, the most difficult one by far was regaining my self esteem after the traumatizing realization hit me that I was living my worst nightmare every day.  When I was anorexic, my greatest fear was that I would regain the weight I’d lost – which I did.  I felt like a failure, I felt so helpless and hopeless.  

I didn’t see any point in getting ready each day because I didn’t think any boys would like me or any girls would want to be my friend if I wasn’t “skinny.”  I almost gave up even trying to look decent or even trying to make friends.  I almost gave up loving life and living it to the fullest.  I almost gave up – but I didn’t.

I didn’t because I remembered a saying I’d heard once that says, “You are not a failure if you stumble and fall.  You are only a failure if you don’t pick yourself back up.”  

This saying saved my life.  It made me realize that although I’d stumbled and fallen, I could still pick myself back up and regain my confidence.  Although I didn’t really know if I could ever find my self esteem again, I had faith and told myself that I could.  I never gave up trying to love myself and just be myself.  I finally realized that I don’t have to look like a supermodel for guys to like me and for me to find friends.  All I have to do is be myself.  

Since regaining a positive self image, I have made my goal simply to be healthy rather than to be “skinny.”  I run every day I can and I eat healthily.  I am as happy as ever, and I enjoy every single day of my life.  

Although finding the inner-strength I needed to reach this point was the hardest trial I have ever faced, I am so grateful I went through it.  I choose to learn something from each challenge I encounter, and from this one I learned to never give up.  

In all the tribulations I have faced since then, there has always been a point at which I felt like I couldn’t handle it and that I might as well quit trying to overcome it.  Even though it’s harder to not give up at the moment of desperation, in the end, the joy, smiles, and sense of accomplishment are so worth all the pain, tears, and hard work.  And that is why I believe in never giving up.

That was what my Dad told me on the phone last week when I told him that I wanted to extend my time volunteering to help homeless people in Ireland. 

Coming from a middle class Chinese family in Thailand, my parents tend to push me towards the way they believe is best for me and my future: studying hard to get into the best universities, getting a good job in a big company, and having a long career there.
Volunteering is a concept they never appreciate. They call it, “Letting others exploit you for free.”

Despite what they think, volunteering is what I have done the most in the last five years.  Actually, when I started volunteering, I was in a very severe state, having suffered an emotional breakdown in my transition to the university.  I was very lonely and vulnerable.  I had to wear a fake-smile mask to the university every day to pretend that I was fine.  I made no friends in my university and I could not trust anyone.

My life started to change gradually after I started volunteering with the university magazine whose mission was to protect the rights of the students.  I started to make friends with students from diverse backgrounds.  My friendship with them started to develop as we shared the same beliefs and worked together towards the same goal.  

My time at the magazine and my colleagues’ friendship helped me gain my self-respect back and I became happier with my university life.  I was chosen to become the editor of the magazine in my second year with them.  The responsibility of being the editor boosted my self-confidence and even developed my leadership skills.  I become more and more active, energetic, and optimistic without consciously realizing it.

Amazing opportunities came to me to further expand my horizons.  I was chosen to represent my country at many international youth conferences, won a scholarship to study in Japan for a year, and got an internship with the World Bank.  On reflection, I believe that it was the experience I gained from volunteering, combined with a strong giving spirit that have transformed me to become a brand new person.

I believe that even though volunteering is primarily to help others, you always get back much more in return. 

Now I am happy with my life.  I get my whole life back from the deep dark hole of depression.  And, I also have a bright future waiting for me. 

Could I ask for more from volunteering? I do not think so.

—

Chawapol: “I am a 22 year-old guy from Thailand, but having pure Chinese blood. Now I work as a full-time volunteer to help homeless people here in Ireland. I am fluent in Thai, English, and Japanese language. My nickname is “Gun” which seems very strange to be a name in English, but it means “together” in Thai language. Writing, taking photos, and dancing are my hobby. I also love travelling, and learning different cultures.”

There is an old folktale about a father who teaches his sons a lesson by asking them to break an individual chopstick, which they do without any trouble.

He then gathers a whole bunch of chopsticks together, and no matter how hard they try the sons are unable to break a single stick.

This story demonstrates the importance of sticking together, of fostering community.  When a group of people combines resources to work for the common good, balancing self-interest with shared interests, something magical happens.
The first time I experienced the magic of community was in high school, when I volunteered as a crew leader for Friends of Trees, a local nonprofit organization that works to restore our urban forest.  My role was to supervise volunteer work-parties and teach community members how to plant trees so that they would survive.  

Invariably at each planting, neighbors met for the first time while helping plant each other’s trees.  They were so proud, so excited, and so anxious, as if they were planting a new member of the family in their front yards.  Volunteers came back time after time, to get dirty and beautify the city, meet new people and see old friends.  Not only did we help increase the urban canopy, but the pervasive spirit of camaraderie at plantings made it like a second family to me.

This sense of kinship was also central to my recent study abroad experience.  Last winter I spent ten weeks in Mali, West Africa, where community is the fundamental unit of existence.  Children played in the streets as their elders chatted in the shade.  Neighbors called out to me as I passed them in my quartier, asking after my health and my family, and inviting me into their homes to make delicious African tea.  

At the end of my stay my host family threw a fête for the entire neighborhood, and everyone came to share in the music and dance.  When I arrived back in the US, however, the silence and solitude were overwhelming.  Where were all the people?  In this age of information overload, when web surfing has replaced telling stories on the porch, and instant messaging has taken the place of good conversation, I long for a system restore.

A Buddhist parable explains the difference between Heaven and Hell.  In both places, the story goes, there is a large table laden with food, and the people are provided with six-foot long chopsticks.  All the people in Hell are starving and miserable because they are unable to feed themselves with these giant chopsticks, but in Heaven everyone is happy and well-fed because they each feed the person sitting opposite them.  I believe that if each of us commits to building healthy communities, both locally and globally, we can feed each other’s souls and create a little Heaven on Earth.

—

Miranda: “I am a junior at Carleton College in Northfield, Minnesota.  Community service and grassroots activism have been and continue to be an important part of my life.  This year I am part of a sustainable living community, where we grow some of our own food and regard the land as a community to which we belong and must protect.”

I live in a town where almost everyone has almost every material thing they want.  I live in a town where people have forgotten to watch the sun go down.

I’ve spent a lot of my life dealing with grief – mostly my own – grief I do not and will not dwell on.  I’ve learned to appreciate the sunsets in my perfect little town.

Despite our privileged lives I have discovered that many people who live, and work, and love alongside me are very unhappy. I’ve held many tear stained cheeks on my shoulder in that perfect little town.

I am an actor, and on my way home from a rehearsal some months ago, I saw a woman sitting on a hill crying.  I kept walking, thinking to myself, “Why isn’t anyone there to hold her?” 

I got about a block away, turned around and walked back up the hill.  She was clearly upset and like most people, ashamed of it.  As I approached she watched me warily and said, “You walked all the way back up that hill for me?” 

I simply grinned and told her that people should never sit alone too long when they’re crying.

I never got her name. Never asked, it didn’t seem something important. I never learned what was bothering her. 

She told me she had grown up here, in my perfect little town; that she hadn’t swam in the ocean in thirty years. She had brown hair and tired eyes and skin darkened by the sun. By the end of the conversation she had laughed, and we had both cried.

I walked home content. That afternoon I bore witness to the life of a stranger. I had helped her to smile. I don’t know her name. I hope she swam in the ocean that day.

Also, I lived in difficult circumstances where my mum just left us (she took my little sister), my big brother was still at a drug rehabilitation place, and my dad was stressed (he has to go to the stress therapy at least 2 times a week).

Can you imagine that?

One morning I woke up at the usual time and I felt there was something missing in my life. Instead of eating my breakfast, I was thinking what the “thing” was disturbing my thoughts. Day after day I kept searching and finally I GOT it: I wanted study overseas in Vancouver.

To study overseas I needed a lot of money because I’m an international student, and I do not come from a rich family. Without asking my dad whether I could study overseas or not, I already knew what the answer was: it’s impossible. It isn’t about my dad not wanting to let me go; it is because my family couldn’t afford to spend that much money.

As time went by, I tried to forget my dreams. I was thinking, perhaps my dream is too big for my family and me or had I just made it all up? However, I realized that I would never be happy unless I could pursue it.

From that day, I worked hard on my plan to begin my dream. I made hard choices. I made difficult changes. I even made big sacrifices.

Time passed and finally, I made it.

When I was 16, I moved to Vancouver. I’m now in 12th grade and will be graduating in May 2007.

I believe in the power of dreams and I want to tell everybody – especially young people – that every person on earth was born with a dream in their life. Don’t ever think that you can’t reach your dream, that you are too late to catch it, or even your dream is bigger than your capacities.

Everything is possible. Impossible is nothing and impossible is only for losers. If I could make it, why can’t you?

Anyway, this is my poem that I just made after I wrote I Believe essay. I hope, through my poem and essay, that everybody will make their dreams come true and their lives will never be same again.

RADICAL

Life is a series of choices
And destiny is a series of decisions
At times I feel weary but I’d never step back
Run faster, jump further and soar higher
Life is short, why take it for granted?
Life is beautiful, why don’t you colour it
With meaningful things?

In my body,
There is a brave heart
I don’t care if they call me crazy
Only crazy people will go to heaven
I don care if they leave me
One by one….
‘coz I know I’ll never be alone

Everything in this world
Happens for a reason
Everything was planned
the Creator
Believe that you ARE
More than a conqueror
“let’s make life more alive”

There is nothing too hard to reach
Because you have
The power walking with you
Realize that you CAN go
Beyond your comfort zone
There’s nothing you can’t do
“Let’s make life more alive!”

I’m in love with a person who is different from me.  When I say different, I mean in the religious, national, cultural sense.

My love relationship started 4 years ago and I didn’t even know that it would go this far or that it would become my fate.

I’m Orthodox Christian, living in Serbia – a Balkan country in Southeast Europe – and my lover is Egyptian and a Moslem.  We met on the internet, which wasn’t a common way of meeting at that time. 

When I started talking to him, everything seemed like ”déja vu,” like any other conversation.  But day by day, I was showing more and more interest in him which then resulted with love.  It took a long time for us to understand our relationship, to make a straight line between imagination and reality. 

For the first time in my life I felt like someone was listening to what I had to say.  I found out that there’s someone like me.  Beside having the same taste in music, movies and those basic things, we realised that we shared the same principles of life such as morality, honesty, respect, dignity, sense of justice, and many others. 

I knew that we would be inseparable.  But, my happiness  was interrupted with one thought.  What would people around us say?  Will they be able to understand? 

I started talking about him – first with my parents then with my friends – trying to make this story closer to them but I saw that they were not delighted and did not take me seriously. 

I had prepared myself for a long and difficult period of fighting for my happiness but I had no idea that my fight would last this long.  I do know that it’s the only way.  If I want to save my love, I have to fight for it and show the world it’s not just a game, a caprice.

The most beautiful moment in my life was when we finally saw each other in person.  We acted like it’s not our first meeting.  It was more like we had known each other for several years.  I was sure that we deserved to be together forever and that we made good choice.  It also showed me that my fight wasn’t useless, that love is worth fighting for. 

We’re living in a world of intolerance, hate, nationalism and religious fanaticism.  In such a world not just love but also a common friendship between a Christian girl and Moslem guy is almost impossible. Even if they are soulmates and truly love each other, their being together just can’t be accepted.  

But nowadays there are more and more people like me.  For them and for all of you who still doubt, I would like to send a message – that love is the strongest thing besides faith and if it’s true and honest it can’t fail.  

But for love to triumph we must be very brave, we must be persistent, and above all patient.  If I didn’t believe in love I wouldn’t take my part in this battle, which is a battle for free choice no matter what the obstacles may be. 

I believe in love without borders because only free love can make us united and make all the boundaries between us disappear.

Ana: “I graduated in Turkish language & literature on Faculty of philology at Belgrade University.  I’m about to get my Master of literature science.  I’m a writer and have already published 3 books of poetry.  Also, I’m interested in art and foreign languages.  I like to explore different cultures and religions.  I would like to travel around the world to meet different people, their customs and to write about them.  The values I appreciate are love, good education, strong will (which makes everything possible).  My aim is to become a famous writer so my works could be widely read and so I could make this world better.”

But I need to finish my homework first. Or I need to wait until I have the time. I left the work up to someone else – someone who is powerful, inspiring, and creative, all of the characteristics that I would never use to describe myself. I lived by the mantra “not me”.
This summer I looked at my life – at my identity. I asked myself who I really am, what I really believe in, what I want and what is keeping me from getting it. During this inquiry, I saw how I was my only obstacle. I was the only person who said I can’t change the world. I was confined in my own version of reality masquerading as the truth – a reality that I had created and had told myself I couldn’t change.

At a conference that I attended this summer, I heard Craig Kielburger – the founder of Free the Children – speak about his life and work as a political activist. My initial thoughts when I saw him were, “Good for him, but I could never do that.” I’m horrible at public speaking. Nobody would ever listen to me. I’m not like him.

Within the fist couple minutes of his speech I had already limited my own potential, I had already told myself “not me.” At the end of Craig’s speech, he looked toward the audience and said, “Every single person in here can make a difference to better the world.”  It was the same line I had seen on posters and heard over and over again, but for some reason this time I was moved by his words. In my seat, I took out a crumpled piece of paper and a pen and wrote: I will make a difference. After I set down my pen, I looked at that piece of paper for a long while, realizing its implications, feeling the weight of the commitment I had just made. The words began to overwhelm me and my self doubts resurfaced. I quickly scratched out what I wrote.

I cried in my room that night at my own defeat. I saw how trapped I felt and how afraid I was of my own power. I felt like a bird stuck in a house. I could see the outside through the window, but each time I tried to fly out, I flew smack into the glass. I then realized that I, myself, had constructed the glass. I had created my own fear, and if I was willing to be brave, I could break through it. I had never been more scared and yet so inspired in my life. I took out another piece of paper and wrote the words again: I will make a difference. That night I chose to live by those words. I changed my mantra to “Yes me.”

This I believe, and this is what I live by: every single person can make a difference. 

It’s a scary and seemingly impossible responsibility. But it’s simply a question of whether you’re willing to acknowledge your own power. There are no limitations except the ones we place on ourselves. However, if we replace those limitations with possibilities, imagine what’s capable of the world and humanity. 

I submit this essay with the commitment to inspire other people – like myself – who doubt they can be the difference because I know that any and every person can if they choose to. 

In addition, I ask a simple question that has been the basis of my own life’s transformation: Who do you want to be and what is keeping you from being that person?

—

Dylan: “The priority in my life are my relationships: family, friends, teachers, etc. I would best describe myself as pieces of all the incredible people in my life. I get my hair, sense of humor and critical thinking from my dad; I get my eyes, love  for animals, and appreciation of life’s beauty from my mom; I see the importance of family and interconnectedness from my amazing  step-parents; I laugh the most with my big sister and from her I get my inspiration; my best friend has taught  me to embrace my quirks, and to love without fear. These people have rooted themselves in the deepest part of my identity and without whom I wouldn’t be able to accurately describe myself.”

I heard a lot of stories about the lake being so clean and clear in the past that kids could swim in it.  But now it is polluted and that’s what encouraged me to help save the seven lakes in our community.
 
My parents with other people formed a group called Friends of the Seven Lakes Foundation (FSLF) in 1999.  But we kids also wanted to be a part of the movement to conserve, protect and rehabilitate (CPR) the lakes, so FSLF created the FSLF Kids. 
We clean the lakes and pick up the trash around it.  We have camps to educate the kids about ways to take care of the environment.  We also had a camp with fishermen’s kids, so we can teach each other ways to help our seven lakes and become friends and better environmental leaders in the future.  I also went to a couple of international conferences making close friends and learning ideas that I can apply in the Philippines. 
 
There is so much to do and share.  I believe, like Spiderman, that “with great power comes great responsibility”.  I had many opportunities to learn about the environment, so I have a great responsibility to share and teach other children to care and help the environment.  

I wish all kids would be superheroes for the environment!

—
Antonio, 13,  is in 1st year high school and a member of the FSLF Kids/Youth.  His favorite subject is Science and he loves to watch National Geographic and Discovery Channel.  He is a junior varsity player for tennis and enjoys computer games in his spare time.  He lives in San Pablo City, Philippines which is known for its seven interconnected volcanic crater lakes. Antonio was a child delegate to several international environmental conferences.  He dreams of one day going on an African safari to see wild and endangered animals. 

I didn’t understand why those people are suffering occupation. I didn’t understand whether that was a good or a bad thing – this occupation.

I grew up and I began to know that those people are fighting for their rights in their homeland. I knew then that everyone who has a right in something should go for it and take it by all possible means.

Also, until that time, I understood occupation to mean suffering the existence of a foreigner in your country for a military purpose.

I didn’t know that there’s a kind of occupation which may be called “to occupy one’s mind and thoughts.”

This concept was nurtured by some authorities in powerful countries to change people’s ideas or to confirm wrong ones in their minds.

I felt depressed one day when I read in some of our national magazines a conversation with a group of tourists asking about their opinion about my country. I felt depressed when they answered that they thought it was only deserts and camels and that they were also surprised to see cars and huge buildings.

I asked myself: “Is that what the world believes about us Arabs? A group of nomads?”

I should be frank to tell you that I hated other countries and I thought they are all believers of that idea about arabs. Also after wars in the Arab and Islamic region, some ideas about Islam spread internationally that it is a religion of terrorism and torture and that muslims are savages!

I felt like I am unwanted in this big cruel world. I felt that if i went to any country for any purpose I’ll just be unwelcomed.

That all was partially changed when I went to a conference last year. I met there people from about 20 countries worldwide. I figured out that those people don’t hate me as an Arab or don’t fear me as a muslim. They only needed someone who may improve some of their ideas.

I played this role which made me so happy that I felt I’m serving many sides – first my country, region and religion; second I helped those people whose ideas I improved. I helped them to acquire right knowledge. I took the first step on my path to becoming “guide for the right.”

I feel happy now every time when I receive an email from one of them asking me about some information they hear in order to confirm it before they believe in it.

And maybe I’m even playing an important role in improving a whole country’s beliefs – who knows?!

Doesn’t news travel faster than light?!!

—

Salma: “I am a girl who loves her world, who wants to live in it happily till the end. My favourite hobby is making pen pals all over the world. My aim is to improve the world’s ideas about my region and religion.”

When I was only one year old, my father died of AIDS, leaving behind four orphans, I being the last born. 

When I started going to school, I used to miss classes most of the time due to school fees problem.  And I remember one instance when I sat home for almost two months because I couldn’t pay my school fees.  Even if my mother acquired my fees, she could not afford all the scholastic materials. So I had to ask for assistance from my friends at school, who later insulted me in class, preaching to everyone that “Hilda is too poor! She can not even afford herself a book or a pen to use.” 

Moreover I had become a laughing stock because I used to go to school bare footed and was always identified at school assembly as a school fees defaulter.

Outside of school, I was also stigmatised together with my family members by schoolmates and the community.  Everyone pointed fingers at my mother calling her a moving corpse!  This used to hurt me so much.  I even remember those days when we could only have one meal a day as a family because it’s only what we could afford.

With God’s grace, I managed to reach my 7th lower grade.  Again my mum failed to raise my school fees just towards my final exams.  Since I was good at singing and dancing for the previous six years of my education, I had made my school popular in the catholic world.  This forced my headmistress to allow me sit for my exams free of charge.

During my vacation, my mum fell seriously ill.  This really tortured me both physically and emotionally.  Thinking that she was going to  die, I had to wipe my tears away and take her to the Aids Supporting Organisation (TASO) centre for treatment every morning, while my elder brothers and sister had to take care of the family which was child  labour indeed.  But I later recovered my happiness when she was given ARV (anti-retroviral) drugs.

Deep inside of me, I always bore a thought in mind: “One day one time, I shall overcome the suffering, because no child is meant to suffer in God’s presence.”

I had also a saying that, ‘Forget the past and look at the future.”

So in 2005, I was rescued from all the suffering by Outside The Dream foundation, an organisation helping orphans and street kids (by paying their school fees and preparing them for university).  That is when I came to realise that “No Child is meant to suffer.”

I believe that all this suffering I passed through will come to an end because as I speak now, I am in my second year of college in one of the best schools in Uganda.  

And for this I believe that God has another plan for me to go ahead to the next level, where there is no suffering and crying, but peace and joy together with all my brothers and sister who have been good companions and encouragement along my journey on earth.         

—

Hilda: “I am in my 9th grade at one of the best schools in Uganda.  My favourite subjects are Chemistry, Physics, Biology, English and Mathematics.  I am able to get distinctions in all my subjects.  I have always had a dream of becoming a doctor.  I like listening to music, swimming and dancing.”